


don't trade it for gold

by deuteroscopies



Series: the prophet and the king [11]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Abandonment, Aftermath of Violence, Anal Sex, Arguing, Claiming, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Makeup Sex, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Possessive Sex, Relationship Discussions, Sexting, Wings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2019-11-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:00:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21597274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deuteroscopies/pseuds/deuteroscopies
Summary: Freddie and Ephram have been run ragged by their mutual partner Ruby (and Freddie's partner Lizzie) rushing headlong into confrontation with Ruby's abusive ex-husband, numerous times, resulting in injuries and near-death experiences for both Ruby and Lizzie. Tempers are frayed, Lizzie resents having to share Freddie with Ephram, and bad decisions are made to greater and lesser degrees.
Relationships: Freddie Watts/Ephram Pettaline
Series: the prophet and the king [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1551673
Kudos: 1





	don't trade it for gold

**Author's Note:**

> > Freddie Watts = Tom Hardy FC, Ephram Pettaline = Boyd Holbrook FC. These stories are set in the supernatural town of Soapberry Springs, in the Pacific Northwest. Freddie is a fairy con man from London, with cobalt-coloured dragonfly wings and silver fairy dust, who has a Japanese Chin familiar named Oliver; Ephram is a witch from impoverished East Kentucky who shares his body with a demon called Anaxis and has green magic of his own.
>> 
>> [the prophet and the king 'verse tumblr](http://theprophetandtheking.tumblr.com/)  
> 

[FREDDIE TXT] I may have overstepped a little while you were gone this morning, love…  
  
[EPHRAM TXT] I can’t imagine how but lay it on me  
  
[FREDDIE TXT] Well…Ruby was asleep - she’s still asleep actually - and I was thinking about how we need somewhere to take her when they discharge her. I mean, she doesn’t want to go back to the Danforth, and the Anchor’s absolutely out of the bloody question, so…. I went looking around online at the rental listings.  
  
[TXT] And I rented one.  
  
[TXT] Are you upset? I realized after that I probably should have asked first, but it was a very good deal, and the pictures are lovely, and- to be honest, it didn’t occur to me. :/  
  
Now that he’d been there, Ephram couldn’t imagine why Ruby wouldn’t want to stay at the Danforth – it was practically a palace – but he supposed she had her reasons. He smiled at Freddie’s abject hatred of the Anchor and his Britishy-phrased disdain, but then his eyebrows shot up at Freddie’s next statement.  
  
[EPHRAM TXT] It didn’t occur to you to ask us first, that’s what you’re telling me? You just went ahead and made an executive decision for all three of us, Freddie? About where we live?  
  
[FREDDIE TXT] I got a bit excited about the whole thing, so, unfortunately that is what I’m telling you, love. I mean, it’s only temporary….  
  
[TXT] But if you’re angry with me, I’m sure I can still get out of it. And even if I can’t, we don’t have to move in. I just got a little ahead of myself, I suppose. I assume you don’t want to see a picture, then?  
  
[EPHRAM TXT] I’m angry with you and I want to take it out on you in bed. Jesus Christ. You got no idea how much I want you right now.  
  
Ephram twisted his mouth to the side as he reread his text, already sent, no way to take it back. Well, in for a penny in for a pound, to use Freddie’s own kind of expression.  
  
[TXT] We’ll move in. I wanna see where it is I’m gonna be fucking you. Send me the pictures.  
  
[TXT] I love you.  
  
When he saw that Ephram was, in fact, angry with him, Freddie’s heart sank - having any of his lovers upset with him made him anxious in ways he was vaguely ashamed to admit - but as he kept reading, he realized that Ephram’s anger wasn’t the cold, withdrawn sort; and in a strange way, he immediately felt better.  
  
Not good exactly, because Ephram was still unhappy with him, but better.  
  
And more than a little excited.  
  
[FREDDIE TXT] I’m sorry I made you angry, sweetheart. So deal with me however you see fit, yeah? I want to make it up to you.  
  
Ephram’s tone as he went on, even in a text, brooked no argument, and Freddie bit his lip, sitting up a little straighter as his blood began to rush south.  
  
[TXT] I’ll send them now, darling.  
  
[TXT] I love you too.  
  
[TXT] IMG  
  
Freddie’s response was exactly what Ephram had wanted, contrite even though _Ephram_ was the one being unreasonable. He was angry but it wasn’t even really with Freddie – the fairy had secured them a home, how could Ephram be anything other than grateful? – but he hadn’t quite sorted out in his own head that he only wanted to use Freddie harshly because Freddie had been the one in the trenches with him, desperately scrambling to do damage control as Ruby and Lizzie cavorted into peril. And some base instinct deep inside the witch murmured to him that maybe Freddie would gain some release from being punished, when it came down to it.  
  
[EPHRAM TXT] You’ll make it up to me, sweetheart, don’t you think otherwise even for a second.   
  
But the photographs of the house that Freddie had rented for them ( _on a whim!_ This _mansion!_ ) stopped Ephram in his tracks for a few moments. It was hard to believe that house was real, much less that he’d be allowed in it.  
  
[TXT] It’s a house for rich upper crust people. My God, Freddie. Even Ruby can’t say no to this.  
  
Freddie let out a sigh of relief when Ephram seemed to warm to the house after looking at the photos he’d sent, and smiling.  
  
[FREDDIE TXT] Does that mean you like it? :)  
  
Ephram didn’t mind being a tiny bit mean and manipulative, but he didn’t want Freddie to be outright worried about what Ephram was feeling towards him. A little bit of anxiety mixed with anticipation, that was what he was aiming for. But even the process of adjusting to anticipate Freddie’s feelings was a pleasure to Ephram at the moment.  
  
[EPHRAM TXT] I like it, baby. We’re gonna love it. How long is it rented for?  
  
[FREDDIE TXT] I’m glad. <3 And I’ve got it leased for a year - though, obviously we don’t need to stay that long if you and Ruby decide you don’t care for it, or the new house comes together faster than that.  
  
[EPHRAM TXT] Good. I like getting what I want, and you tend to be real good in that area, dumplin.  
  
[TXT] A year is  
  
[TXT] Actually no, a year would be great. I ain’t dumb enough to pass up the opportunity to live like goddamn royalty while I get our own place squared away. You can teach me how to play tennis.  
  
[TXT] Freddie, you’re feeling okay, right? And you’d tell me if you weren’t?  
  
[FREDDIE TXT] I try to be.  
  
[TXT] It just seemed easier in the long run to take the entire year than faff about month-to-month. But as I said, there’s no reason to spend a full 12 months there if we don’t need to, or if circumstances change. I’ll leave that entirely up to you and Ruby. I’ll be happy to teach you to play tennis though. lol  
  
[TXT] Physically? I’m fine, love. I know I looked a little peaky after everything that went on at the hospital, healing Ruby, but I feel much better now.  
  
[EPHRAM TXT] I like the idea of a year now. But if Ruby wants to up and leave then we will. Reckon for about the next year we’re pretty much gonna be doing whatever we can to help our girl feel better.  
  
[TXT] I’ll get myself the headband and lil wrist things, you get yourself one of them pleated skirts XD  
  
[TXT] Mentally and emotionally I know you’re not fine. But that’s okay, I’m in the same boat there, we’ll figure things out. Reason I wanted to know is because when I used my magic to prime the antidote for you to heal Ruby, it got Anaxis’ attention. Wanted to make sure the same didn’t happen with your hand.  
  
[FREDDIE TXT] We’ll probably have to blindfold her just to get her in the door. She’s likely not going to be very happy with me. Do you think I’ve made a mess of things already? She was just so adamant about going home before you brought back the antidote, and I thought this would solve the problem… Though I suppose I could have spent a little more time thinking. She’s going to hate it, isn’t she?  
  
[TXT] Only if you promise to fuck me while I’m wearing it. ;)  
  
[TXT] Wait- what do you mean it got its attention? What sort of attention?  
  
Reading through Freddie’s texts, Ephram felt a pang of guilt for relieving his own abraded feelings by making his husband think that there was a chance he’d fucked up with them so phenomenally.  
  
[EPHRAM TXT] Freddie, baby, you ain’t done nothing wrong. She won’t be mad and I’m not mad, not really, not at you.  
  
[TXT] You did everything right. Every place that Ruby’s been in Soapberry – the ratty motel, my trailer, the Anchor – it don't matter where, she's run into some trouble and been attacked or some sort of violence happened there. You’ve given her someplace where she can actually be safe. Hopefully,  
  
[TXT] Please don’t fret none about this, darlin. I know you’re sometimes kinda shaky on how cut out for relationships you are so if that’s what’s worrying you, don’t. I dunno if either Ruby or me could have got through this without you. And you’re the one who healed her and got her back to us, honey, don’t you forget that.  
  
[FREDDIE TXT] That’s sweet of you to say, love - but you have every right in the world to be frustrated with me. I’ll feel better once I’ve made it up a little.  
  
[TXT] Well…here’s hoping she likes it once she gets there, then. That you both do. <3 It’s got a security system, at least - and you and Iann can ward it to the teeth - so, we’re a step ahead of where we were before if nothing else.  
  
[TXT] You had already managed the hard part. I’m just glad I was able to help a little with the healing. Tell me about Anaxis though, sweetheart. What did you mean before? Should I be worried?  
  
[EPHRAM TXT] Alright. I’ll make sure you pay your due penitence.  
  
[TXT] Tell me all its other amenities. I got literally no idea what to expect in a rich people house. Does it have a bowling alley? A theatre?  
  
[TXT] You helped exactly as much as we did.  
  
[TXT] Oh yeah well uh when I came in contact with the antidote, it kinda got the demon all aware and alert and excited. Anaxis is still locked away, but it sure wanted to use the Purge to come climbing up again. Reckon it’s like that time when we all lost our powers. Once I got no magic, Anaxis is free to do what it wants with me.  
  
 _\- twenty minutes pass-_  
  
[TXT] it scared me freddie  
  
[FREDDIE TXT] Maybe I’ll learn something, eh?  
  
[TXT] haha No, love. What it does have though, is 5 bedrooms, 4 baths, an acre of waterfront property with a free-standing boathouse, central air, 3 fireplaces, 2 skylights, a wet bar, a deck, hardwood floors, a glassed-in porch, and a 4-car garage. Plus all the usual sorts of thing. Including the appliances. And the master bedroom has a walk-in closet. Though you’ll be building me a better one. ;)  
  
[TXT] I probably should have just sent you to the listing, shouldn’t I?  
  
[TXT] Oh my God. Ephram sweetheart, I’m sorry. I never even considered that. Are you sure you’re alright?  
  
 _-ten minutes pass-_  
  
[TXT] Ephram?  
  
 _-twenty minutes pass-_  
  
[TXT] Of course it scared you. Just hearing that terrifies me. What can I do for you now, love? How can I help? We need to see Iann about the third seal as soon as we can. I know now’s not a wonderful time, but it needs to be done.  
  
[EPHRAM TXT] You’re too wicked to learn anything. I’ll just have to keep teaching you lessons.  
  
[TXT] No I’d rather find out what’s in the house from you! A listing I wouldn’t even know where to begin with. I can lock you in your closet when you’re naughty.  
  
( _after the gap_ )  
  
[TXT] I dunno. I mean, it was only because I came in contact with the antidote that it happened. Otherwise I can’t hear Anaxis at all. I guess we could talk to Iann. But I mean you’re right, it’s not a good time. If it turns out we need the three of us to get it done again, I don’t wanna put Ruby through anything while she’s still recovering.   
  
[TXT] I can wait, Freddie. I’ve had this thing with me for twenty years. A few more months ain’t gonna hurt.  
  
[FREDDIE TXT] You’re sure everything’s alright? You promise? As long as you’re certain everything’s okay. I may talk to Iann about it anyway though, love. When it comes to the demon, I don’t want to take any chances.  
  
[EPHRAM TXT] I promise, everything’s all right. I wouldn’t take no chances with Anaxis, that would just be worse for all of us in the end.  
  
[TXT] I love you for worrying about me. You can talk to Iann all you want, sweetheart. Never hurts to get a leg up on this kinda shit. God, Freddie. I need you so much.  
  
[TXT] It’s excruciating having to wait to get my hands on you.  
  
[FREDDIE TXT] I know you wouldn’t. I’m sorry for asking, love. I’ll always worry about you, Ephram. I love you. From what I understand, Iann and I have got a bit of a hike ahead of us. I’ll march it past him then; just to make sure we all stay on the same page.  
  
[TXT] I need you too, sweetheart.  
  
[TXT] I hate it as much as you do, believe me.  
  
[EPHRAM TXT] I didn’t mean it in a scolding way. When it comes to Anaxis no careful is too careful. And after being the only one to keep tabs on the demon for so long it’s a relief to have other folks doing it for me too.  
  
[TXT] Really? You guys already got some sort of plan going about the third seal? I’m impressed!  
  
[TXT] Okay I’m just gonna tell you what I would do to you if I could  
  
[TXT] I wanna spend like, an hour sucking you off. Letting the weight of your cock press into my tongue and fill everything with the taste of you, my mouth, my throat, high up in my sinuses, flooding into my brain. I wanna smell you when I breathe. Wanna hold your cum in my mouth like nectar before I swallow it.  
  
[TXT] Wanna tie you up. Blindfold you. Feed you cherries, and habaneros, and honey, and ginger, and bite your lips bloody and swollen. Fuck up into you real slow but deep, Freddie, so deep inside you that each thrust lifts your ass off the bed. Want your skin soft and oily with desire by the end of it, want you exhausted but begging me to fuck you again.  
  
[TXT] Wanna spread you out on the dining room table and rub down every single inch of you with oil, all them muscles I could sink my teeth in, even your face, your lips, your hair. Make you into nothing more than a pliant, succulent meal for me. I want you to feel like you been kissed all over, washed down in cum, like you’re a holy feast.  
  
[FREDDIE TXT] I know you didn’t. I just don’t want you thinking I don’t trust your judgment, because I do. I think I’m still just reeling a little after everything that’s happened, so I’m thinner skinned and more easily shaken than I should be. Ruby’s been through so much, and Lizzie’s gone, and I just- I don’t know. I’m still processing it, I suppose. But I know you wouldn’t take chances with this, darling. I trust you completely.  
  
[TXT] You’ll never have to be the only one again.  
  
[TXT] Oh. No, sweetheart, that’s not it. I suppose we haven’t had much of a chance to talk, really, have we? Iann and I actually have a meeting with have to attend. With Suky Toddry. I told you about her, remember? Iann’s had them push it back a few days though, so Ruby should be nearly on her way out of the hospital before I have to go. I’d back out entirely but considering our track record of good luck, I’d rather not be on the wrong side of anyone powerful if I can help it.  
  
[TXT] My God, Ephram. I want that. All of that. So much, love.  
  
[TXT] Do you have any idea how poetic you can be? How beautiful the things you say are? You make my chest ache and my cock hard all at once. Christ. How am I supposed to get through the rest of the day now with all that in my head? It’s horribly unfair. And I love you for it.  
  
[EPHRAM TXT] Fuck, I  
  
[TXT] Fuck. I can’t imagine what it’s like for you with Elizabeth not just having amnesia and not remembering you but also having gone off to fix it somewheres without you. Freddie it’s really shitty for you, all this at once.  
  
[TXT] Ohhhhhh yeah that fancy party youn’s went to for the sugarplum thing? Howcome you’re meeting up with that crowd again? Another heist?  
  
[TXT] Well I reckon I get a mite more poetical when I got somebody like you to write about. There ain’t no part of you that don’t make me sing.  
  
[TXT] If I can help on the Elizabeth front I will. However you need me.  
  
[TXT] I uh. I told her once that if she needed me to not be with you, if I was the problem, then I’d do it. Stupid of me. She didn’t want to talk to me. Probably for the best?  
  
[FREDDIE TXT] Shitty’s a good word for it, yeah. Mostly I’m just being cowardly and trying not to think about it. She says she’ll be back when she’s got everything sorted, but I don’t know if that’s true.  
  
[TXT] Something like that. She was quite taken with us at the time, and said she’d like to see us again for some sort of competition. I assume this meeting’s in regard to that. We don’t really know much yet. The messenger was a bit of a tit.  
  
[TXT] I love it when you say things like that to me. I hope that’s always true.  
  
[TXT] Thank-you, love. But I honestly don’t know what there is to do anymore but wait.  
  
[TXT] What?  
  
[TXT] You said-  
  
Feeling nauseous, Freddie just blinked down at his phone.  
  
[TXT] I don’t know what to do with that. I honestly don’t know whether to be touched, or gutted.  
  
[TXT] Would you have? If she’d said she wanted you to? You’d have just given me up?  
  
[EPHRAM TXT] I don’t think that’s cowardly. You gotta sideline things sometimes so’s you can function and deal with other stuff. I’m sure she’ll come back, even if she don’t get it fixed. All her things are here.  
  
Ephram scrubbed one hand over his face, taking a deep breath before he answered Freddie's question about Elizabeth. If Ephram would truly have given him up, if she'd wanted it.  
  
[TXT] I dunno if I could have gone through with it when we were down to the wire. But yeah, I would have stepped back.  
  
[TXT] The way I saw it, we could still be friends. Very close friends. Just no sex and no I-love-yous. I feel like that’s the part Elizabeth don’t much like.  
  
[TXT] And she’s young, Freddie, she’s so fuckin _young_. She don’t even know how to love herself yet. It wouldn’t be fair to take you away from her when all she needed was to know that I wasn’t gauming up the works and making her even more scared.   
  
[TXT] I wasn’t aiming to be no martyr now, you hear. I didn’t want to give you up. I don’t ever want to. But if I needed to for a while so that you could make sure that Elizabeth felt secure and safe with you, then I’d do it.  
  
[TXT] Are you upset?  
  
[FREDDIE TXT] But you could have. Given me up.  
  
Freddie rubbed at his suddenly stinging eyes angrily, and forced himself to take a deep breath, letting it out slowly; trying very hard not to feel the way he felt. Trying not to see everything Ephram had just said as proof that he really was just completely and utterly expendable.  
  
That he was just that easy to leave behind.  
  
That his parents had been right all along.  
  
[TXT] Yeah. Yeah, I am a little bit.  
  
[EPHRAM TXT] For a while. If we really needed to.  
  
Ephram swore under his breath, thumping his head with the heel of his hand. Why had he even volunteered this information? It wasn’t as if Elizabeth would have told Freddie about it. It wasn’t like Freddie needed to be dragged through the ugly theoreticals of it.  
  
[TXT] I’m sorry, baby. I was worried you might lose her and I didn’t wanna be the one making that happen. It was wrong-headed of me, I know. I don’t want you to be suffering. Can I fix it somehow? I’ll do anything.  
  
Freddie felt so incredibly stupid that he could barely breathe. Of course Ephram could. Why wouldn’t he? Ruby was the one who he couldn’t be without. Freddie’d watched him, only a few days before, move Heaven and Earth for her - and rightfully so.  
  
But Freddie, he could have given up. Freddie, he’d _volunteered_ to give up.  
  
[FREDDIE TXT] And what if it wasn’t just a while? What if Lizzie’d said she’d never be alright with it?  
  
He sent the text and then immediately wished he could call it back again, afraid of the answer. Afraid that he already knew the answer.  
  
[TXT] I understand. You were trying to do what you thought was right by Elizabeth.  
  
[TXT] I’ll be fine. You can’t fix the truth, love. It just is the way it is. I’ll be alright.  
  
[EPHRAM TXT] I didn’t want you to have to choose.  
  
Seeing it written out like that made it seem so idiotic. And not just that, but presumptuous. Why should Ephram take it upon himself to make decisions for Freddie? The heat drained from his body as Ephram realized that he’d taken a page from his sister’s book, something he would never have seen himself doing.  
  
[TXT] Oh God, Freddie, I’m so sorry. I didn’t have no right to try and make any kind of decision on your behalf and then try and excuse myself with the ‘good intentions’ bullshit. What I did was wrong, so wrong, and it would have broken my heart to lose you. I just  
  
[TXT] I don’t know. I didn’t want you to have to give up anything that was really valuable to you, and I knew I would keep on loving you no matter what. It wasn’t a smart or useful or kind way to think and I’m sorry. The thought of you being forced to choose made me foolish. I should have stayed out of it. I love you so much, Freddie. I don’t want you to ever feel like I don’t.  
  
[FREDDIE TXT] Lizzie knows I can’t choose. That I _won’t_ choose. She accepts that. And if there comes a time when she can’t accept it anymore, we’ve said we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.  
  
[TXT] But you and I have had a conversation like this before, love. When my hand was at its worst and I couldn’t control my emotions very well - do you remember? You told me that you thought I should focus on Elizabeth, that you and I could still be friends. And I said no. That that wasn’t necessary, and it wasn’t what I wanted; and eventually you told me nothing would change unless I said so. You promised me. And then you went to Elizabeth anyway?  
  
[TXT] What were you going to tell me, Ephram? That you didn’t want to be with anymore? That you didn’t love me anymore?  
  
Freddie felt something wet slide down his cheek, and he brushed it away quickly, swallowing hard, not wanting to upset Ruby if she woke.  
  
[EPHRAM TXT] I thought  
  
[TXT] I thought you were saying that now because you didn’t want to hurt me. That I should ask Elizabeth because maybe she might say different if it wasn’t you asking. I don’t know. It made sense to me at the time, Freddie, I don’t know why. I shouldn’t have gone behind your back, I should have trusted you to have thought the whole thing out from all angles.  
  
[TXT] I don’t know really what I would have told you, I wasn’t thinking that far ahead. I reckoned I would have just told you what I was doing and you’d be sad but relieved that you didn’t have to make a decision and give up Elizabeth maybe. I thought I’d be making it easier on you. I swear to God, Freddie, it wasn’t that I wanted to give you away, it was never that.  
  
[FREDDIE TXT] But I would have had to give you up. How could that _ever_ make me feel relieved?  
  
Freddie scrubbed a hand over his face, and rubbed at his eyes again - glad that Ephram couldn’t see him; that Ruby’s sleep was too deep, and too necessary, to be easily penetrated - and he forced himself to breathe slowly.  
  
This was all his own fault, anyway. He’d let his assumptions run away with him - let himself believe things that hadn’t ever really been promised; that couldn’t be - and now he was paying the price.  
  
But he’d survive. He’d take all his hurt, and he’d pack it away; keep it out of sight, and as much out of mind as he could manage, and he’d carry on.  
  
It wasn’t anything he hadn’t done before, after all. Albeit in rather different circumstances.  
  
[FREDDIE TXT] I know you meant well. I’m not angry, love. I understand.  
  
[EPHRAM TXT] You _don’t_ understand and maybe you ain’t angry but you’re upset and you can’t tell me that ain’t true. I can’t talk about this no more. Not like this over the damn phone.   
  
Ephram turned his phone off completely and threw it against the passenger door of his police jeep. “God dammit!” he shouted, slamming his hand against the steering wheel so hard the vehicle swerved wildly on the road before he got control of it back again. Hands clamped around the wheel, mind reeling, Ephram locked his teeth shut to keep himself from howling.

\---  
  
Freddie paid the cab driver and climbed out of the car, stopping for a minute to take a good long look at the house he’d found, and the way it looked now that Ephram’s truck was parked in the driveway; already wishing he’d decided to stay away a little longer. After Ruby had been moved there post-hospital discharge; after Lizzie had come back from her amnesiac wandering and allowed him to stay at her apartment for a few nights now that she recalled who Freddie was.

He’d been so excited when he’d seen this place, that he’d rented it almost immediately. He’d had his mind made up by the fourth photo; already convinced that it was perfect. So convinced, in fact, that he hadn’t even bothered to show it to Ruby and Ephram first - he’d just snapped it up. (An action that he’d realized in retrospect wasn’t quite in keeping with the basic rules and ideals of a committed relationship.)  
  
But he’d fallen on his sword with Ephram as soon as he told him what he’d done, and offered to make amends for his impulsiveness; and everything had seemed like it was going to be fine. Better than fine.  
  
Until it wasn’t.  
  
And now Freddie could barely bring himself to step foot in the door. Not now that he knew that they were in there.  
  
He’d thought that he could handle it when he and Ollie had brought everything over from the Anchor, and the few things he’d bought to give the place a slightly more personal touch, two nights before - Ephram’s birds in the kitchen; Ruby’s necklace, found in her bag at the hospital and cleaned for her, left on the dresser in the master bedroom - but now he wasn’t so sure.  
  
Because he’d gotten the house as a stand-in for the home they’d be building. It was meant to be theirs. Only now…  
  
Freddie had no idea where his place was anymore.  
  
He felt like a guest. A long-term invitee, that might yet wear out his welcome. An interloper imposing on Ruby and Ephram’s indulgence.  
  
And their relationship.  
  
He’d had similar feelings before, of course, early on; convinced that he came second to their love for each other. They’d had each other first, after all; shared things before him, and without him; had commonalities that he could never truly understand, and understanding that he would never be able to be a part of - but gradually, he’d started to believe that he’d been wrong. That they both loved him equally - the same way he loved them, and Elizabeth - and that that his particular brand of insecurity had no place between them.  
  
He’d begun to think of them as his husband and wife - words he’d never, ever thought he’d use, but quietly gloried in - and he’d believed, wholeheartedly, in their future together. That whatever came, the three of them would stay unshakable.  
  
Which was why he felt so flaming idiotic now. Fairies weren’t actually supposed to _believe_ in fairy stories.  
  
And while it had been Ephram, and not Ruby, who’d attempted to give him away - who’d admitted that Freddie wasn’t necessary to his happiness - it was hard now to think that Ruby might not feel the same way, if push came to shove.  
  
Ephram wanted him - for the moment, at least - but he didn’t need him. He’d said so.  
  
Ephram loved him, but not enough to make him essential.  
  
Which meant that everything Freddie had allowed himself to think of as absolute truth, as bedrock, was nothing more than a semantic house of cards. He was expendable - just like he’d always been. And more fool him for ever thinking otherwise.  
  
Freddie sighed. Karma caught up to everyone eventually, he supposed. He’d been naive to think he could have his cake and eat it too.  
  
But he took a deep breath and gave his head a shake. He was going to need to get his game face on, going in there. Wallowing was useless, and it wasn’t his style; and more than that, Ruby couldn’t know that anything was amiss - she needed to focus on herself right now; not worry about his ridiculous hurt feelings.  
  
And Ephram…well…  
  
Ephram, he just didn’t want to look weak in front of anymore. It was humiliating to hand someone your heart, to love them so fiercely you could barely express it, and have them hand it back to you; and Freddie intended to protect that wound until it scarred over. He didn’t need Ephram examining it at his leisure, misguidedly attempting to make him feel better about how little he mattered in the long run.  
  
He didn’t have much patience for good intentions at the moment.  
  
So he’d just have to pretend to be fine until he was fine. And he could; he’d done it before. Many times, as a matter of fact. It was a coping mechanism that had never yet let him down.  
  
He was rusty, of course - it had been a long time since he’d let himself really feel much of _anything_ \- but some skills you never forgot.  
  
The fairy headed up to the front door, and unlocked it - there could be no such thing as an unlocked door while David Johnson’s body had yet to be recovered - and he stepped inside, smiling when Ollie came whipping around a corner, eager to see him.  
  
He shut the door behind him, and crouched down to greet his familiar, ruffling the little Chin’s ears, murmuring, “See? I’m back, safe and sound.” Freddie looked around their new ‘home’, and flashed Oliver a wan smile. “So how’re things around here then?”  
  
“Not the same,” Ephram answered him, following Ollie around the corner from where they’d both been tinkering with an indoor obstacle course to entertain the little familiar. “Not without you, Freddie.”  
  
He didn’t go any closer, not yet, feeling hesitant about pushing into Freddie’s space with the way they’d left their conversation. Ephram could barely recall what he’d even said to the fairy, just a mishmash of fear and self-hatred and bleak hopelessness, but he knew it had been terrible and hurtful. And to the man who he loved _most_ , had ever loved. Ephram had slept with a number of men, many of whom he was passingly fond of, but it wasn’t until Freddie that he’d ever seen himself in a relationship with another man. With Freddie there hadn’t been any other option, after they fucked on the altar of a Roman shrine. The most unusual and sensual of settings, and an appropriate one for two lonely, wounded people to find a glimmer of hope.  
  
“Freddie, I–” Ephram looked down at Ollie, at a loss. The Chin looked up at him, a solemn and wise expression on his face. The fact that Oliver wasn’t spurning him meant a great deal to Ephram; it made him think that this wasn’t irreversible, that the little familiar didn’t consider him an active threat to Freddie’s happiness. It was an endorsement that Ephram heartily desired to live up to.  
  
“Freddie,” he started again. “I was a fool. What I said to you, honey, what I did to you, it was cruel and selfish and I know I hurt you bad. You got every right to be upset with me. You don’t gotta pretend you’re not.”  
  
Ephram took a step closer, reaching tentatively to touch Freddie’s side, the slight dip of his waist. “Please don’t pretend with me. I need to fix what I done.”  
  
Freddie looked up when he heard Ephram’s voice, and stood up straight again, already feeling wrong-footed - and vaguely annoyed with Ollie for not warning him that the other man was just around the corner.  
  
Not to mention slightly betrayed that his familiar seemed to hold no particular ill will towards Ephram for effectively breaking his fairy’s heart.  
  
But that was a conversation for later, when Freddie could vent his spleen in private.  
  
“Well,” Freddie said, trying for casual and falling slightly short of the mark; it hurt even to look at Ephram, and he didn’t want to do it for longer than he had to yet, “-I suppose I have my uses sometimes.”  
  
Ephram kept talking though, looking down at Ollie as if for guidance, trying to explain, or apologize, or both; and when he came closer, reaching out to touch Freddie’s side, it took everything Freddie had not to react to it.  
  
Not to give in to his warring impulses to break down a little, or step backwards out of the witch’s reach.  
  
“There’s nothing to fix, Ephram,” he said calmly, “I was upset, but what’s done is done. I’ll get over it, yeah?”  
  
He forced a smiled, reached out and gave Ephram’s arm a quick squeeze, before stepping out of his grasp altogether and heading for the kitchen. “Is Ruby asleep?” he asked, changing the subject and hoping that would be the last they’d have to talk about it; hoping that Ephram wouldn’t want to talk about it anymore, “I thought we’d order dinner, seeing as there’s no food in the house yet.”  
  
“Unless you got some? I can cook, if you did.”  
  
He’d just keep talking, the fairy thought. He’d talk about nothing, and everything; he’d talk himself sick if he had to - so long as he didn’t have to talk about how he felt.  
  
Because he couldn’t.  
  
He just didn’t have the words.  
  
“No,” Ephram said loudly, a couple of seconds after Freddie turned to head to the kitchen. He’d expected some reaction at least, not this polite and horrible _that’s okay, dear_ kind of response that Ephram had seen before, in his aunts and cousins. He’d hated it then, and being the cause of it now in his beloved Freddie made his stomach churn.  
  
“No, Freddie.” Following him into the kitchen, Ephram grabbed Freddie’s arm, yanking at him. “Don’t walk away from me. We need to talk about this. I need a chance to tell you that I was stupid to ever think I could do without you and that I should never have even thought you would give me up for somebody else, even somebody else you love, just because she -- she _deserves_ you more’n I do.”  
  
That part of it, Ephram couldn’t take back. Elizabeth was unpleasant and mean-spirited, but she was also barely a functioning adult yet, and Ephram (in his limited, fraught interaction with her) was pretty sure that she hadn’t racked up all the black marks on her soul that he had. And that was even _before_ you factored in Anaxis. The fucking demon automatically made most anybody else more deserving of the devotion and care of a person like Freddie.  
  
But that was a self-pity thought and more than that, it was old beaten ground and Ephram didn’t want to tread it again. “Please, Freddie,” he pleaded, even though his fingers were digging in hard. “Give me a chance. Talk to me and then you can decide. Don’t shut me out just yet.”  
  
Freddie winced when he heard Ephram say no, glad that his back was turned and that Ephram couldn’t see it. He didn’t want to talk about it. Why was that so hard to understand? This was painful enough without needing to examine the minutiae. Without having to listen to Ephram say that he was sorry that he just didn’t love Freddie more.  
  
Freddie didn’t want to hear it. Any of it. _Ever_. He just wanted to pretend like everything was fine until he could believe it again. He didn’t need an itemized list of all the ways he was deficient.  
  
So he decided to just pretend that he hadn’t heard, despite the volume of Ephram’s voice; to let his lack of answer be the answer itself, hoping that Ephram would realize that this was what was best for everyone. That this way - _his_ way - Freddie could still keep a little piece of what he’d thought he had.  
  
If Ephram really did love him in some small way, surely to Christ he could give him that much.  
  
But then he heard footsteps and suddenly he was being yanked by the arm back around to face his witch; Ephram’s grip on his bicep strong and unforgiving.  
  
“Keep your voice down,” Freddie hissed back, “Do you want Ruby to hear you? She-”  
  
But he cut off when Ephram said that Elizabeth deserved him more than Ephram did, mystified that the other man could think something so ridiculous when Freddie had been so obviously _his_ from nearly the very beginning. But he was distracted by the growing pain in his arm before he could offer any kind of a response.  
  
Wrenching back out of Ephram’s grasp, the fairy murmured harshly, “The next time you grab me like that, I’m going to defend myself. Are we clear? I let you use my body the way _I want you to_. Touch me like that again, and I’ll make you wish you hadn’t.”  
  
Freddie swallowed hard, his anger shaking the lump that had been sitting in his throat loose, eyes stinging even though he’d have rather died than admit it, and he said quietly, “I’m not talking about anything in here. Ruby needs her sleep, so if you’ve got something to say, then come outside.”  
  
He brushed past Ephram, heading for the back door, muttering, “And then I don’t want to talk about this ever again.”  
  
“Defend yourself?…” Ephram repeated, eyes wide, stricken. For a moment he couldn’t hear anything but the pounding of his own heart, pounding fit to burst. Had it gotten that bad already? That Freddie didn’t trust him anymore to not brutalize him, that Freddie felt the need to lay down ground rules about how and when and why Ephram should touch him?  
  
The thought punched the wind out of Ephram and he followed Freddie outside soundlessly, eyes darting and wide, unblinking, as he digested just how deeply he’d hurt his husband. Maybe for good. Freddie might not ever trust him fully again. When they were out of the house, back door closed behind them, Ephram stayed a good three feet away from Freddie, making no further move to touch him or be in his space.  
  
“First off,” he began, “there’s no excuse for what I did. You told me it was a wrongheaded way to think, and I didn’t listen to you, and that was wrong of me. Disrespectful to you – and to Elizabeth too, in hindsight. To think I saw the truth of it and the two of you didn’t.”  
  
Ephram looked down at his hands, rubbing the palm of one with the thumb of the other. If he had to look at Freddie right now and see the pain he’d put on his fairy’s beloved face, the way that he’d been so careless with Freddie, Ephram wouldn’t be able to bear it or say what he needed to. Best not to look up until he’d gotten it out.  
  
“Y’see I … well, there’s been a fair few times in my life when people I loved had … other things going on for em that kinda took precedence. Were more important than I was, for one reason or the other, and I try not to be too upset ‘bout it because, y’know, I mean – people, we all got things we need, and they was going through hurt themselves and they didn’t mean to hurt me.” Ephram methodically bent each finger back until it cracked, flexing his hand afterwards. “And I always figured it was on account of people being able to tell there's something wrong with me, some … unchangeable way I’m ... horrible, deep down inside. Which ain't a far leap to make, considering Anaxis and all.”  
  
He paused there, glancing up at Freddie, the teeth in his lower jaw sliding along the upper in an anxious tic. “Does that make sense? I ain’t saying it as an excuse for what I did, I’m just trying to sorter explain myself. Why I’m like this.”  
  
Freddie stood there, one arm wrapped around himself, while he chewed at the edge of his left thumbnail, his eyes fixed on Ephram’s feet instead of his face. Reduced to childish defensive postures in the face of the hurt he felt like he was drowning in.  
  
But he listened as Ephram gave voice to a pain that was incredibly similar to his own. The constant, gnawing awareness of your own inadequacy; the hundred different ways you know you’re undeserving of anyone’s love, or attention. And he wished that understanding, that commonality between them, could make him feel better; could fix this - because he wanted nothing more in the world than to believe that he hadn’t made a fool of himself, that Ephram did love him they way he wanted him to, the way he’d thought that he did.  
  
But it didn’t. Faced with the same fear, Freddie had only wanted to hold Ephram tighter; and Ephram’s response had been to try to step away, to hand Freddie off to someone else without a second thought.  
  
And to Freddie, that was all the confirmation he needed, that, in his case at least, everything he’d ever thought about himself was completely and utterly true. Everything Iann had said the night of the second seal was entirely accurate.  
  
He didn’t matter at all. Never had - to anyone - and he never would. Whatever he was lacking, it was evident to everyone but him. And there was no making up for it’s absence. No getting around it.  
  
He was defective, straight from birth. It simply was what it was.  
  
And when Ephram had finished speaking, asking Freddie if what he’d said made sense, Freddie nodded. “I understand,” he said, his voice thick and raw sounding, “I do. When I was little, I loved my parents - as everyone does - and they didn’t want me. Either of them. I loved my nanny too, more than I’d loved the two of them put together - and she left me without a word, because after six years of caring for me, I’d never mattered in the slightest to her.”  
  
He took a deep breath, still unable to look Ephram in the eye. “And then I stopped. I never loved anyone, or anything, again - outside of Ollie. I gave up, and it was better. Things stop hurting when you stop allowing yourself to think about them; when you refuse to acknowledge them anymore.”  
  
“And then I came here, and stopping was no longer an option.”  
  
“I met you, and Ruby, and Elizabeth, and I couldn’t help myself. I love all of you desperately.” The fairy’s voice cracked, and he scrubbed at his eyes, hating himself for being so fucking weak again, and allowing himself to be drawn into exactly the conversation he’d been so staunchly trying to avoid.  
  
He raised his head and sighed. “And look what’s happened, eh? Lizzie’s left me once already - twice if you count this last runner - and you tried to get shot of me the moment someone raised an objection. You promised me you wouldn’t, and you did. That’s how much I mean to you, Ephram. We’d be _friends_. And you wouldn’t give it a second thought.”  
  
“Because you could be without me,” Freddie said simply, sure that the ache in his chest had to be showing in his face. “You told me so. Not two days ago, as a matter of fact. So don’t lie to me now, and tell me different.”  
  
“I don’t doubt that you love me, darling. You just don’t love me the same way I love you, that’s all. And that’s nobody’s fault but mine. I made my bed, and I’ll lie in it; the same as I always do.” Freddie swallowed hard. “I just need a little time to get my head around it without you pressing on the bruise.”  
  
“I know,” Ephram said, wrung out with grief for having caused Freddie to think even for a moment that he was of no value in Ephram’s heart, recognizing that look of glassy, uncomprehending misery that came when your worst fears were realized and you found yourself consigned to the same purgatory you’d been foolish enough to think you could climb out of. “You let yourself be vulnerable and you trusted me and I ruined it because of my own fucking insecurities, because I din’t have the strength to pull myself out of my own goddamn self-pity and see how I’d be hurting you, Freddie, honey, I was so unfair to you.”  
  
Ephram wrapped his arms around himself, one hand compulsively squeezing his shoulder as he shifted his weight from foot to foot. “I promised you and I broke that promise, for the worst of reasons, because I’m a fuckin’ weak man, Freddie, and some days it seems to me like I don’t deserve nothin’ good, sure as hell not anything as good as you are, baby, only by doing this I wasn’t punishing myself, I was punishing _you_. For loving me the way you do.”  
  
He grimaced, the words sour in his mouth and throat, and coughed into his hand before continuing. “I … I ain’t so good at recognizing when I’m hurting, real bad, the way I am now after all this with Ruby and Elizabeth. I just try to get over it, slash and burn, move on and not think about it again. But seeing what I done to you now, that’s … I’m just now realizing I can’t afford to think that way no more. It ain’t just me no more who has to deal with my fallout.”  
  
Letting his arms fall, Ephram looked up, squinting as he was quiet for a moment. “I _don’t_ love you the way you love me,” he said, softly. “I love you the way _I_ love you. And I don’t know how to do it properly. And I’m sorry, so sorry that my learning came at your expense.” Looking directly at Freddie now, his whole demeanor much calmer, Ephram said in the same soft, slightly detached voice, “First time Anaxis took me over in Soapberry it concentrated on Bellamy. She was my best friend, she was more’n that, we used to say we were like two matching parts of something unexplainable and fantastic. And Anaxis fucked her, and beat on her, and killed with her, and the two of em did things to me that … I try my fuckin' hardest not to think about.” Ephram shuddered, hands opening and closing at his sides. “He ripped her open when he was fuckin’ her, till she was one big ragged hole down there. You know what it’s like to live with that in my head?”  
  
Ephram shook his head along with that question, hard and wild, like there were wasps buzzing into his ears and mouth and eyelashes. “I ain’t telling you all this so you feel sorry for me,” he said fiercely, jabbing a shaking finger to point at Freddie. “I’m getting at something here.”

Warning delivered, Ephram returned to what he was saying. “I forgave her for that. Told myself I couldn’t exactly hold her accountable for Anaxis manipulating her. Just like I did about Faye cutting my eyes out. Bellamy had her own sickness.” Ephram’s nostrils quivered, rabbitlike, his gaze drifting away from Freddie’s face, down his chest, to his hip. “But then, but then she did it to me again, Freddie, that fuckin’ demon showed up and Bellamy gave herself to it to be abused and raped, because all she could think about was how much she wanted Anaxis. She knew I could still feel everything the demon did with my body and she _sold me out_ to it without a second thought, and I _loved_ her, Freddie, I loved her _so much_ but she was willing to let the demon use me because it’s worth more to her than I am and that’s always the way it’s gonna be.”  
  
His jaw worked as Ephram finished getting that out, and he said, after a moment, “Don’t feel sorry for me. It ain’t no excuse for what I did to you. I only wanted you to know what happened, and why I got off-kilter when Bellamy come back to town and reminded me all over again that I ain't shit even to those I thought loved me. It … all that hard work I done, to try and make myself believe that I’m worth anything to anyone, all that you done for me treating me like I’m something important even when you were hurting so much yourself, it washed away like a fuckin’ coal slag in a torrent. And I was scared it would happen with you. Ruby too, but what with Elizabeth it seemed likely you’d be first.” He drew a deep breath.

“And I was wrong, honey, wrong in every way.”  
  
It was horrible listening Ephram recount what he’d suffered at the hands of people who’d professed to love him - how easy it had been for them to trade him to the demon for their own ends; whether they believed them noble like Faye, or selfish and sick like Bellamy - and all Freddie wanted to do was hold him. His love for Ephram was no different than it had ever been; no amount of hurt could diminish it - but he held back, because ultimately, while he understood why Ephram had done what he’d done; that he’d thought he was simply beating Freddie to the punch, and that he’d have been able to do the same to Ruby, they were still no further ahead now than they’d been before.  
  
They might even been worse off than when he’d first stepped in the door.  
  
“If I could change all that,” Freddie said, in a voice so low it was barely audible over the gentle sound of the wind on the water, “-make it so that you’d never had to experience it, I wouldn’t hesitate, love. I don’t ever want you to have to know that kind of pain again.”  
  
He looked up, red-eyed and helpless. “But I don’t know what else I can do to make you believe that. _You’re_ what I want, sweetheart. You always have been. Anaxis could never have any dominion over me that way, because it knows that all I want is you. I _hate_ it. I hate what it’s done to you, to us…” The fairy held up his linen-wrapped hand. “That’s why it did this to me. It knows it doesn’t hold any sway with me, Iann knows it… you’re the only one who can’t see it. You’re the only one who doesn’t believe in how much I love you; and I don’t know how to make you see it.”  
  
Tears leaking out of the corners of his eyes, Freddie wiped them away, and looked at Ephram seriously, trying not to let the fear he felt shake his voice. “And now I can’t even tell if I’m really what you want - even in some small way - or if I’m just a stand-in for Bellamy.”  
  
“Do I have any business being here at all, Ephram? Or am I deluding myself? Tell me, after every horrifying thing she’s done, that I haven’t just been keeping her place warm. Please.”  
  
“No,” Ephram said, shocked at Freddie’s question. “ _No_. That ain’t it at all, Freddie, honey, not even one lil tiny bit. I didn’t tell you about that because you’re a substitute for Bellamy. You ain’t just my best friend, you’re my husband, my partner, you’re more’n I ever dreamed I could have. There’s things I felt and understood and been able to talk about with you that I ain’t told no other living soul on this earth, because you, Freddie, goddammit, you’re what I want. _You’re_ who I want and I’m an ungrateful bastard because instead of being fuckin’ grateful for being blessed with the chance to have you and to get to love you and be loved by you, instead I went and chose my own doubt and self-pity over you.” Ephram gave a bitter huff. “Ain’t no better’n how Bellamy treated me, when it comes down to it. So I can see why you can’t believe me now.”  
  
He’d fucked up even bigger than he’d originally thought, Ephram realized, looking at the abject despair on Freddie’s face and aching to think that he put it there, that he’d caused those tears. That his wonderful, charming, confident fairy could be driven to such anguish by a man who claimed to love him. Ephram’s mouth turned into a tight downward arc, resisting the familiar, tempestuous impulses inside him to get out of here, go get drunk or pick a fight or do some blow, anything to help blot out the guilt and the emotional pain.  
  
He’d found numbness in a cloud of cocaine after the first go-round with Bellamy and Anaxis. It would be so easy to do it again. But, Ephram told himself, he had to be better than that. The man standing in front of him wondering if he even had a place in this beautiful home he’d gotten for them, a place in Ephram’s heart, he _deserved_ better than that.  
  
“Freddie,” Ephram said. He stepped forward, covering the ground between them like it would fall away otherwise, and reached for Freddie. But he didn’t touch him, just skimmed his hands over his husband’s shoulders, down his arms, desperate to make contact but not knowing if Freddie would allow it. “Freddie, I believe you. There ain’t one minute we been together that you ever made me think you wanted something other than me.”  
  
He shook his head again, more normally this time than the tortured spasms of before. “I wasn’t thinking bout how much I would hurt you, doing what I did,” Ephram said lowly, breathing in Freddie’s scent. No cologne – he’d probably been with Elizabeth and not had any handy. Ephram felt a pang of gladness that at least Freddie had been in the arms of a loved one, even a loved one who loathed his presence in Freddie's life.  
  
Finally giving in, Ephram touched one fingertip to the side of Freddie’s wrist, just above the ball of his thumb, and trailed it down lightly. “It was thoughtless and cruel and so, so wicked of me to treat you like that. When I know you got your own hurts when it comes to not being important to anybody and not being loved.” Ephram closed his eyes. “You should be loved, you deserve to be loved, you are a fuckin' _infinity_ of love, Freddie, and I’ll do anything I can to make up for causing you to believe for even a moment that anything else is true.”  
  
The trouble with being madly, desperately, deeply in love with someone, was that when they told you the things you wanted to hear most in the world, it was very difficult not to believe them. Not to give yourself over to them, and hope that they would understand what your trust was worth. How it was possibly the most precious, most fragile, thing you had; and if they broke it, it would never quite go back together the same way.  
  
So you did.  
  
And then you did it again, if you had to. And again, and again. Because you simply couldn’t do anything else.  
  
So when Ephram had closed the distance between them, close enough for Freddie to feel the warmth of his body, and reached out to touch him so carefully - just the tip of a finger trailing lightly down his hand; barely there, but still suddenly the center of Freddie’s universe - the fairy moved closer and rested his head against Ephram’s shoulder, letting out a shuddering sort of a breath.  
  
It wasn’t better, and it wasn’t healed - but Freddie wanted it, wanted _him_ , too much to keep his distance.  
  
And he knew Ephram was sincere - here and now, in this moment. Here and now, in this moment, Ephram loved him, and he mattered. And that would have to be enough. Each day unto itself, would have to be enough.  
  
No more planning for the future though; that much, Freddie could do to protect himself. He’d take each day as it came, and be grateful for it, and he’d remember - even as they built their house, even as time passed - that he wasn’t the sort of person that was entitled to forever. He’d be allowed to keep this, his ‘happily ever after’, until he wasn’t anymore; and as long as he remembered that, the end, when it came, wouldn’t hurt quite so much.  
  
He might have an outside chance of recovery.  
  
The moment that Freddie leaned his head against Ephram’s shoulder, Ephram wrapped his arms around him so tight that it was uncomfortable for them both. He didn’t care. If he could have, Ephram would have torn their skins open and wrapped them both up in them, just so they could be as close to each other as possible.  
  
He knew it wasn’t fixed. Freddie’s uncharacteristic silence was proof enough of that, even if he’d consented to be in Ephram’s arms again. Let himself be touched again. That, out of everything, had chilled Ephram’s blood the most; he’d felt an irresistible draw towards Freddie since the first night they’d met, and he knew his fairy felt the same way. That was something that had never lessened between them, the need to constantly be touching each other. To hear Freddie say that there were parameters to it and retract the permission that he’d given wholeheartedly back when they were _strangers_ to each other? It was a freezing cold stab to the heart.  
  
Freddie, his open, generous, indiscriminately sensual Freddie, felt that he needed to _protect_ himself from Ephram.  
  
There were dozens of things that Ephram carried guilt over, for better or worse. This could easily fall into that category. But Ruby’s words stuck with Ephram, her exhortation for Ephram to fight for Freddie instead of giving up. He realized now -- that what he had to fight was _himself_ , all the hideous self-destructive coping patterns he'd scraped together over the years, nothing else.  
  
“You mean the world to me,” Ephram murmured against the side of Freddie’s head. “And I ain’t never giving you up, Freddie Watts. I loved you since the minute I saw you walking in the rain down my dock like you were coming to meet me. I’ve wanted you ever since, there ain’t been a moment that I haven’t.” He kissed his husband’s ear, murmuring, “I know I gotta work hard to repair what I done to you, baby. And I will, come hell or high water.”  
  
As soon as Ephram’s arms went around him, his grip so tight that Freddie was sure it had to be nearly painful for him, the fairy slipped his arms around Ephram’s waist and hung on too. And almost immediately, he felt something small ease inside him, soothed instinctively by Ephram’s touch.  
  
Like a plaster on a child’s injury. It didn’t heal the wound, but it distracted from the pain.  
  
He was silent as Ephram spoke, his witch’s words low and gentle, lips brushing softly against the side of Freddie’s head, followed by a kiss to his ear and a promise to fix things; and Freddie nodded, turning his face in towards Ephram’s neck, just breathing him in for a moment before finally raising his head to look him in the eye.  
  
Freddie was sure there were only a few moments in his life that he’d looked worse than he did right now, but that didn’t stop him from leaning up to kiss Ephram’s lips anyway; from hoping it wouldn’t matter. Their need to touch, and be touched, by each other had always been so strong; and Freddie found he needed it now. If his world had any hope of being put right again, he needed to know that that hadn’t changed.  
  
That that connection was as strong as ever.  
  
“I love you too, Ephram,” he said quietly; and then he paused. “Take me inside and make me feel it, yeah? Please?”  
  
Even if Freddie wasn’t his usual dapper self, not even the more rakishly rumpled version that suggested he was on his way into or out of somebody’s bed, Ephram could see no flaw in the fairy, nothing to make him any less attractive. Especially when Freddie was meeting his gaze again, kissing him again, asking to be loved.  
  
Ephram had no intention of ever again putting Freddie in that position.  
  
“Come on, honey,” he said, linking his hand with Freddie’s and towing him back into the house. They went into one of the other bedrooms, the furthest from where Ruby was sleeping; chances were they wouldn’t be making too much noise, but all the same. Ephram didn’t want anything at all to go wrong. Once he’d shut the door, he gathered Freddie up to kiss him, moving them towards the bed and laying them both down on it.  
  
There was a stillness to Freddie like this, even though he wanted to be touched. Ephram thought he understood what that was about; con-man though he might be, adept and astute at calculating a situation and changing his demeanor to suit, this was where Freddie was without his tricks. Stripped down bare to the bone and utterly vulnerable and still the most beautiful man that Ephram had ever known.  
  
Settling next to Freddie, Ephram cupped his husband’s face and kissed him slow and deep, taking his time with it and tasting each part of him, the hard roof of his mouth, the soft slickness of his cheeks, the contours of his teeth, all mapped out and committed to memory. “You’re precious to me, baby. You, every damn part of you, all the places where you been hurt and rejected and unappreciated and unloved. I’m sorry as hell that I made those places deeper.”  
  
Unbuttoning Freddie’s shirt, Ephram trailed the point of his nose along each wing of collarbone, following it with a stripe from his tongue. “I love how you’re petulant and how you want to spend money on us and make things good and easy. And how motherfuckin’ smart you are, Freddie, not just in book smarts but you really understand people. Some days I reckon you know me best out of everybody, even though you ain’t known me that long.” Ephram stroked the side of Freddie’s face, planting a kiss in the divot of his throat. “That’s a talent. And you use it to be generous – with people you love – and God, honey, sometimes I can’t hardly believe how selfless you are. How much compassion you got for others.”  
  
He tugged at the sleeves of Freddie’s shirt. “Let’s get this off, huh?”  
  
As requested, Ephram took his hand and led him back into the house, drawing him towards the bedroom furthest away from the master so as not to disturb Ruby; and Freddie followed quietly, still trying to untangle the mess of his thoughts and feelings. Trying to separate and compartmentalize them, to make them better able to be hidden away and buried.  
  
He felt too raw, like this; too exposed. Like he’d been stripped of all the varnish and veneer he’d spent so many years carefully applying; and it unsettled him to be so defenseless, to be left with so few escape routes.  
  
But once the door was closed behind them, Ephram was kissing him again, taking control the way that Freddie had asked to, moving them in the direction of the bed. And until he had his bearings again, until he’d re-armed himself, that was exactly what Freddie wanted - to be taken care of, just for a little while.  
  
He kissed back, grateful for the sweet familiarity of Ephram’s mouth; the slow, steady devotion of his lips and tongue. He was craving the comfort of his lover’s arms - but when his witch pulled back to speak, Freddie’s eyes dropped, his gaze cutting away from Ephram’s face, not wanting to think any more about the depth of his hurt, or the years he’d been carrying it.  
  
He wasn’t equipped to mask it at the moment, and Ephram was far too close not to see it all staring back at him.  
  
So Freddie focused his attention instead on the way his shirt was being slowly unbuttoned, on the way Ephram’s attentions were warming his skin; and he offered the ghost of a smile, before huffing out a little noise of dismissal at the notion of his own selflessness and generosity. Those were qualities he knew he’d never possessed. And was never likely to.  
  
The fairy shook his head, sitting up just enough to remove his shirt, and, speaking for the first time since they’d come back inside, murmured, “I think you’ve got me confused with someone else, love.”  
  
He pushed the discarded garment off the bed and laid back down. “I’ve never been as good as all that.”  
  
“Yeah, you have been. Know how I know?” Ephram cupped his hands around Freddie’s shoulders, rubbing his thumbs deeply into the muscle. “Because if I asked anybody in this town who you gotten close to, they’d agree with me. In a hot second.” Ephram wanted to touch Freddie’s wings, but he held back for now; that was almost too intimate, and he wanted to do everything else first. “You don’t see it because you’re used to being generous with your body and your charm. But there’s something about you, Freddie, there’s this … sunlight inside you, all gold and melty, and it shines out without you even realizing it.” Ephram pressed a kiss above Freddie’s heart, nestling there for a while. “And it makes folks want to be in that light. I’m so fuckin’ lucky I got it shining for me, even if I treat you bad.”  
  
Ephram wasn’t self-deluded enough to think that he’d never cause Freddie hurt again. He was too rough-edged, too deep-down bred for anger and violence, no matter how much he tried to let the softer side of his nature take precedence. He’d fuck up again. But never, he vowed, in this way. Never again.  
  
“I know you been through so many things that made you think you ain’t nothin’ but a shallow pleasure, baby. Something to be devoured and discarded. But it ain’t that way no more.” Ephram recalled what Freddie had told him during that dreamlike lunch, about the teachers who’d fucked and taken advantage of a lonely child desperate for any kind of love and attention and worse yet, convinced that child that he’d been the seducer, the temptation, that he’d engineered and deserved what he’d gotten. How Freddie got that instinctive, almost blank look in his eyes when Ephram had carefully tried to call it what it was, abuse, and had laughed it away as nothing but smutty schoolboy hijinks. Defining it as some sort of triumph as a way to cope with the horror of it.  
  
“You been raised up to think of yourself that way, like you ain’t worth keeping for nothin’ but what folks could get out of you. So I know it ain’t easy believing otherwise. And that’s my job to do, Freddie, is show you how you’re so much more worthwhile than they taught you. What a good person you are, you really are, down deep inside, and how you didn’t let them cut that out of you. So fuckin’ brave, my boy is.” Ephram gathered Freddie in his arms, hugging him close so he could feel Freddie breathing against him, his pulse, his heartbeat.  
  
Freddie could think of very little that he wanted as much as he wanted to to genuinely be the way that Ephram saw him; as much as he wanted to believe that Ephram could be right about his purpose and place in the world. But the fact of the matter was that he had more in common with a tanning bed than he did with sunlight, and that ‘a shallow pleasure’ was possibly the most apt description he’d ever been given.  
  
Though _bauble_ was a close second.  
  
He was worth precisely what other people were willing to pay for him. He’d been trading on his looks, his charm, and his body, in one way or another, for all of his life; and never, until Soapberry, had anyone he’d met been unhappy with that situation. Never had anyone felt the need, or the desire, to look at him for anything more.  
  
The surface was more than enough.  
  
When he was young the transactions had all been much more obvious - in school, he’d used sex for leverage, for grades and privileges; and later, he’d simply offered his services for a fee - whereas now everything was much more nuanced. He provided charm and attention, affection and fucking… and then then took was he considered a fair exchange for his time. Usually in the form of art, or antiquities, or just whatever else of substantial value he could get his hands on.  
  
There was always a trade though. Something for something else.  
  
Freddie had just gotten markedly better at calling the shots over the years; at keeping the balance of power firmly in his own back pocket.  
  
And that was why he didn’t deserve to be called brave. Or to think of himself as any more than he was. He’d made his own decisions ever since he was a schoolboy - some good, some bad - and in every case, he owned the outcome. He reaped the reward, or he paid the price; and always, always, he’d learned from it.  
  
And Ephram was right, he had been taught one thing, over and over again. The one lesson he’d learned the best, that had repeated itself ad nauseum, was that he should never think of himself as anything other than an entertainment. Adored in the moment, and quickly forgotten.  
  
Because wanting more was a waste of time. It was an outcome that had never, and would never, present itself as an option. Not for him.  
  
So he hadn’t. Until now.  
  
And Freddie knew he should explain all this to Ephram, that they should talk about it so that his witch could understand that he wasn’t a victim of anything. Not really. He’d made choices, and that was very different.  
  
But when Ephram pulled him close, hugging him tightly, Freddie just let himself be held, soaking it up, and sighing, “I’m not though, sweetheart. Bravery doesn’t apply to me at all,” as he settled himself against Ephram’s chest.  
  
“I’ve no right to it. You, and Ruby, and Lizzie make me better than I was. But that’s not the same thing, love.”  
  
Ephram could tell from Freddie’s quietness that his fairy didn’t agree with what he was saying. It was right there plain as day on Freddie’s face, the only part of him that was closed off entirely to keep from showing the depth of his wounds. Muscle memory, Ephram supposed. When you’d been hiding your pain for most of your life it came to be an automatic reflex.  
  
With a sigh of his own, Ephram realized that he might need to change his tactics until Freddie got accustomed again to trusting in their love. And definitely until Freddie was ready to hear good things about himself. It broke Ephram’s heart to admit it, but that was the truth: for all that Freddie was a creature made gilded by compliments, they could only be of a certain tenor. Nothing that caught and held any of the more buried needs that Freddie had.  
  
“You know what I love about you,” Ephram said instead as he eased Freddie back down onto the bed, fingers tracing with enough pressure along his chest to feel each rib, “is how your voice changes all the time. I mean, it’s always kind of the same, always my darlin' Freddie, but you make it so different depending on who you’re talking to and about what.” He pressed a kiss below one nipple, continuing, “I get excited when I get to hear a new version of your voice. I tell myself it’s just for me.” Unable to resist, Ephram took Freddie’s nipple in his mouth, flicking with his tongue and teasing with his teeth before letting go.  
  
“You make me feel like the man I should always have been, Freddie. I get to be that with you. _For_ you.” Ephram nuzzled his way down Freddie’s stomach, reveling in the scent of him. Mixed slightly with a scent he didn’t recognize … Elizabeth? Again, he focused on making gratitude was the only thing he felt, that she’d been there to offer Freddie succor when all Ephram had done was rip him open. “So I reckon we’re both in the same boat when it comes to that sort of thing. You make me better too. My sweet husband.”  
  
Hearing Ephram’s sigh, Freddie felt vaguely guilty. He wasn’t trying to be contrary, to fish for compliments (though normally he wasn’t above it), or to seem self-pitying - it wasn’t that at all. It was just self-awareness, to his way of thinking - but he decided not to argue any further. What he wanted was to feel Ephram’s love again, to wrap himself up in it, and let it be what Ephram promised him it was - real, and all-encompassing - and that wasn’t likely to happen if he continued to get in his own bloody way about it.  
  
He wanted so badly to be loved by this man - to be necessary to him - and all he was doing right now was giving him reasons in the opposite direction.  
  
But when Ephram eased him down onto his back again, fingers moving slowly over Freddie’s skin, bending his head to kiss at Freddie’s chest, teasing and worrying at a nipple with his teeth and tongue, the fairy moaned softly; arching his back slightly and reaching up to tangle his fingers in Ephram’s blond hair, lost for a moment in the feel of him. “Nearly everything that matters is just for you,” he said, in a voice that was still a little more ragged than he could disguise, “…love you so much, Ephram…”  
  
Freddie closed his eyes as his witch’s lips moved gently down his stomach; his abs trembling a little at the sensation, and his own need for it. But his breath caught again as Ephram kept talking, his heart clenching.  
  
It was ridiculous how much one word could move him anymore. How an idea he’d never so much as entertained could suddenly seem like the Holy Grail - but it did. Ephram had called him his _husband_ , his accent caressing the word like the man caressed his body, and Freddie felt his eyes start to sting again. He blinked them quickly; then taking a deep breath, threw his free arm across his face to hide behind - just in case.  
  
Ephram’s breath was warm against his belly and Freddie did his best to focus on it, murmuring, “Don’t stop, love… Not now.”  
  
“I was fuckin' crazy to think I ever could stop,” Ephram said a little harshly, undoing Freddie’s belt and trousers and getting them off the fairy quickly. Shoved off the bed to follow his shirt, and Ephram buried his face in the crease of Freddie’s thigh, inhaling the deeper, more intimate scent of him there, the faint brine of arousal. He still wasn’t quite sure how far Freddie wanted him to go with this, if all his sweetheart needed was slow reverent worship of his body and a renewal of Ephram’s claim on him, or if he wanted Ephram to fuck him, delivering the message that way. He figured it would come clear soon enough.  
  
“Remember,” Ephram mused, fanning his big hands over Freddie’s hips as he nosed against his fairy’s silky, thickening cock, “that time you came to see me fight in the Underground?” And how Ephram had all but devoured Freddie afterwards, so hungry for the man that the testosterone and adrenaline hot in his veins wouldn’t let him do otherwise. How their newfound love wouldn’t let him do otherwise. “Makes me almost regret being Sheriff now. You were so gorgeous, Freddie, so needy and wanting me so bad, proud that I was your man.”  
  
Ephram moved one hand to grasp the base of Freddie’s cock, his mouth watering even before he slipped it down over the sticky head. The taste of Freddie hit the back of his throat instantly and Ephram moaned, loud and humming around Freddie’s length. He went at a slower pace than normal, but it allowed for him to swallow Freddie deeper that way. Ephram was good at sucking cock. He’d been doing it for a long time. But everything upended when he was with Freddie, and even though he knew what he was doing, there still lingered an underlying thrill, as if everything needed to be re-learned.  
  
And maybe it did. Because Freddie, he was – “You’re something special,” Ephram continued his thought aloud, angling his head to kiss Freddie’s balls, his lower belly, stretching his arms up so his hands could meet and link behind Freddie’s back. “You’re like nothin’ and nobody I ever known. God, I fucked so many men, baby, been fucked by so many, but when I’m with you it’s like you’re the only man I ever really, truly been with.” Ephram stilled for a moment, hot prickling behind his eyes. “You’re the only man I ever loved.”  
  
Naked now, Freddie stroked Ephram’s hair, carding his fingers through it, as his witch pressed his face into the crease of Freddie’s thigh; spreading his legs wider to show him that he was welcomed, and wanted.  
  
Ephram’s touch - whether it was soft and gentle, or frantic and demanding, or some wonderful combination of the two - had always made Freddie feel precious somehow. Beloved and beautiful; like there was no-one and nothing else that Ephram wanted in that moment. Since the beginning his touch had spoken to Freddie in ways that words couldn’t…  
  
And he gratefully found that it still did now.  
  
His hurt would linger, shut away where he wouldn’t have to face it, and his trust had been damaged, treated carelessly and cracked, but their connection remained the same. And Freddie wanted to reclaim it somehow; to have it back again.  
  
He wanted Ephram to reclaim him. In all the ways that he could.  
  
Moaning low in the back of his throat, his fingers twisting at the duvet now instead of Ephram’s hair, Freddie nodded. “Of course I remember,” he breathed, “You were wonderful, that night… I cheered myself hoarse, wanting everyone to know that you were mine.”  
  
Freddie licked his lips, breathing just a little harder. “You’re _still_ my man, Ephram… I’m still so proud to call you that… oh Christ…”  
  
His hips lifting up off the bed as Ephram took him into his mouth - deep and slow; and so, so good - the fairy let out a whimper of pleasure, pliant and needy under his witch’s deliberate, loving ministrations.  
  
But he swallowed hard when Ephram paused, finally dragging his forearm back down away from his face, and setting himself up on his elbows to look at Ephram properly; that admission leaving him ready to really look his lover in the eye again - regardless of what might be visible in his own.  
  
“In some ways, we’re so much more alike than you think we are, sweetheart,” Freddie said, softly and sadly. He reached out and touched Ephram’s face. “Because no other man could ever hold a candle for me either. Only you.”  
  
“Always you.”  
  
Sitting up, Freddie tugged Ephram closer, drawing him up to kiss him. “I want your cock inside me,” he murmured, “I want to be as close to you as it’s possible to be, yeah?”  
  
“I don’t want to feel given away anymore.”  
  
“Maybe we are,” Ephram agreed a little hoarsely to Freddie’s claim that they had more similarities than it seemed. Because regardless of wealth, or class, or nationality, if somebody got cut deep enough, the wound would keep on bleeding. The ways to cause the mutilation were uncountable, human nature being wildly inventive when it came to brutality, but the end results? Meant that they were here with each other now, an uneducated Appalachian man who came from dirt poverty and an urbane London gent from privilege and wealth, both of them trying to believe that they weren’t as innately disposable as the world had taught them they were.  
  
And, in the way that Freddie had articulated, because they’d fallen in love despite it all the very first time they met. Maybe it took till the mana pool and that temple altar for them to articulate it, but Ephram had no doubts that the first night in the warehouse was all it took for them to want and need each other in a way that couldn’t be denied.  
  
“Only and always you,” Ephram murmured back as he moved up with Freddie’s tug, his clothed body dragging up his fairy’s bared skin. “And I deserve to have you, I _do_ , and I’ll never listen to them doubts again, Freddie. You’re mine and you’ll _stay_ mine.” He kissed Freddie back, his cock jerking as Freddie pleaded for it inside him, and scrabbled back off the bed so he could tear off his clothes fast as possible and move back onto Freddie again.  
  
“You _belong_ to me, Freddie Watts,” Ephram said with a fervour rapidly approaching viciousness, abandoning any genteel addendums about also belonging to Freddie, reestablishing their reciprocity. Right now Ephram didn’t give a fuck about all that careful diplomacy; he had Freddie beneath him, wanting him, and every nerve of Ephram that had been steeped in greedy, masculine aggression was standing on end. “You’re my man, you’re my sweetheart. My husband.” He ground their cocks together, rocking his hips and cupping the base of Freddie’s skull firmly in one hand. “You’re my fuckin' _possession_ and from now on I’m gonna keep you close to me and protect what I own.”  
  
Eyes edging into a wild, thunderstorm blue, Ephram grabbed Freddie’s wrapped hand and slapped it palm-down against his branded hip, over his warding scar. “I done put my mark on you,” Ephram grunted, kissing Freddie’s mouth, licking across it, kissing him again. “So you’ll never think no different. And now I’m gonna fuck you, honey, so deep and so good I’m gonna rattle you apart, right here in my bed, right here in my arms.” Ephram shoved his face against Freddie’s throat as he reached down, adjusting his leaking cock, and pushed it into Freddie’s tight, unprepared hole with a harsh groan. “Right where I’m gonna keep you, for _ever_.”  
  
Freddie was sure that out there, somewhere, was probably a large contingent of people who’d tell him that his desire to belong, body and soul, to the man that he loved, to be owned by him, was a little less than healthy - but he didn’t _care_.  
  
Those people didn’t have the slightest idea what the absence of love really felt like.  
  
Or what it could mean then to be claimed, and valued, and protected; loved with ferocity, and a proprietary need.  
  
Those people didn’t matter at all.  
  
Ephram shed his clothes quickly, pulling at them frantically and tossing them away, like every moment spent not touching Freddie was painful, and he clambered back up on the bed to cover Freddie’s body with his own; his voice rough, but sweeter than ever to the fairy’s ears, promising everything that he wanted most.  
  
Holding Ephram between his splayed thighs, his cock dripping against his stomach, Freddie groaned at the glorious velvet drag of his witch’s prick as they ground together, rolling his hips greedily as he reached up to dig his fingers into Ephram’s back. “Yours,” he breathed, “…that’s all I fucking want…”  
  
And when Ephram claimed their mirrored marks as his own, as something that ultimately tethered them together rather than drove them apart, Freddie gripped his husband’s hip tightly - hard enough to bruise - clinging to him as Ephram plundered his mouth. He met each kiss with his own hungry ardor, letting out a breathless, desperate, “Yes… fuck yes…” as Ephram murmured his intentions; his heart beating hard and fast in nervous anticipation, nearly undone by the look in Ephram’s eyes.  
  
Before Freddie really had time to know it was coming though, Ephram was inside him. His thick, hard cock stretching Freddie wide, making him suck in a painful breath as Ephram bottomed out; leaving him aching, and full, and trying not to wince.  
  
Slicked only by Ephram’s arousal, the burn of being penetrated so forcefully made Freddie feel vaguely like a virgin again - hurting, but still wanting more - and for a brief second, he thought about using his dust to ease the way. But almost as soon as he’d had the thought, he dismissed it, realizing that, right now, uncharacteristically, he wanted the pain.  
  
In fact, he welcomed it.  
  
He wanted it to feel like Ephram was the only one who’d ever been there before.  
  
Squeezing tight around Ephram’s prick, Freddie pushed back against him, and pulled Ephram’s head back up for another kiss; reaching for his own flagging cock to stroke it back to hardness. “Yours,” he panted against Ephram’s lips, his voice strained, “Fuck me like you promised, love… take me apart…”  
  
Ephram knew from the sharp, pleading way that Freddie drew in his breath that the entry had been painful, that Ephram had truly impaled him on his cock with more of a raw pain to it than Freddie generally liked. He was about to ask if it was okay, ease out a little bit, but then Ephram felt Freddie grow impossibly tighter around his prick, keeping him seated deep inside. And then he asked to be fucked; asked, in fact, to be dismantled entirely. His fairy with that admirable sense of control, he was asking to have it tumbled.  
  
And Ephram couldn’t think of anything he’d rather do, not with Freddie below him looking like ripe fruit dipped in honey and oil, toothsome and luscious and sliced open to the stone and seed. “You could have anybody you wanted,” Ephram said, his voice crackling with emotion. “Anybody at all, you beautiful thing, and you chose _me_. And you let me in.” He lowered his head, kissing at Freddie’s plum of a mouth as he pulled out halfway and fucked back in so he could feel Freddie gasp against his lips. “You trust me enough to do this with you, baby, don’t you?” The question wasn’t one meant to be answered; the proof of it was there in every sinuous curve of Freddie’s body and how he seemed to be straining towards Ephram. It was stroked over his face like it had been painted there in pinks and golds. Freddie’s grey eyes had a lost look to them, pining and alone, and Ephram felt regret lance through him so hard he couldn’t breathe for a moment.  
  
“You know what you are, Freddie?” Ephram said, rubbing his head against the side of Freddie’s, panting as he kept up the pace and force of his thrusts, staggered with long, slow slides. “You’re my piece of art. You’re my prize heist, you’re my goddamn Faberge egg.” Pushing up on his knees a little, Ephram scooped behind Freddie’s back and brought out his wings, fletching along them with his fingertips, licking at the panels of cobalt stained-glass filament. “You’re the altar I’ll worship at. You’re my home, honey, my bluegrass, my…” Ephram had to pause, moving Freddie so the fairy was in his lap, giving those unbearably lovely wings space to unfurl. “There ain’t no price I could put on this,” he said, his own eyes burning with need and devotion. “I got no money and you’re beyond cost. All’s we got to exchange is love, and you got mine, Freddie. More’n I ever known how to love.”  
  
Ephram resumed his thrusts, one arm wrapped around Freddie’s hips to hold him in place to take them, the other stroking Freddie’s face, his full lips, red as if they were filled with nectar, and Ephram leaned forward to taste it.  
  
One hand on his cock, his other buried in Ephram’s hair, Freddie bit his lip as he spread his legs just a little wider, the initial pain of being taken hard giving way to a delicious soreness that lit a fire low in his belly, intense and undeniable. And when Ephram kissed him, easing back to drag his cock nearly free of Freddie’s body, and then thrusting back in, deep and hard, it tore a gasping groan out of the fairy that nearly stole his breath altogether.  
  
Breath that he couldn’t get back again.  
  
Every rolling snap of Ephram’s hips, every sweet, aching glide of his cock, made Freddie whine, his prick hard again and leaking; arms wrapped tight around his witch, doing his best to meet his thrusts, to take everything he was given.  
  
Including Ephram’s words. His love, and his praise, and all his promises. Everything that he wanted so badly to be able to believe in.  
  
Soon though, Ephram’s hands found his wings, the intimate delicacy of that touch such a counterpoint to everything else, Freddie arched his back, moaning; letting out a keening sob as he was hauled up into Ephram’s lap. His wings extending to their full span as a reflex; stretching and straining - trembling, along with Freddie’s muscles - as Ephram’s cock went that much deeper.  
  
Wrapping his arms around Ephram’s neck to hang on, Freddie grunted when his husband began to thrust again, each buck of his hips sending the fairy reeling. He’d been fucked more times than some people’d had hot dinners - but he’d never been fucked like _this_ before; not even by Ephram. He’d never given himself over to it the way he was now. Stripped of all his control, all his artifice, all his polish.  
  
Exposed in a way that terrified him; still so afraid of rejection.  
  
Sucking and kissing at Ephram’s fingers when they touched his lips, possessive and loving, Freddie rocked along with Ephram’s rhythm, chasing what he needed and begging openly when the head of Ephram’s cock rubbed the right place inside him.  
  
Rough, perfect pleasure radiating through his body, he reached for his cock again as his witch kissed him, moaning raggedly as he was fucked closer and closer to the edge.  
  
Panting out Ephram’s name and pleading, over and over, for something he couldn’t even define.  
  
The symphony of cries and gasps and moans that Freddie was giving voice to seemed to flutter down on them like lace, each one making Ephram’s blood rise that much higher, making his thrusts that much deeper. To see what heights he could take his husband to, what sort of body and soul experience he could give his beloved fairy. Who deserved to be loved in every way that a person could express love.  
  
Ephram watched Freddie’s face, eyes glazed over and captivated by the emotions and sensations that twisted those careful, composed features. They hadn’t known each other long enough to recognize all the responses to sex yet, although they were good at learning and committing to memory, and Ephram knew he was bearing witness to something rare, precious, not easily given. As Freddie’s wings trembled, extended out to their full expanse and catching the light, Ephram gave the palm of his free hand a lewd, broad lick, reaching behind Freddie’s muscled back to cup the damp joint of one wing, sliding his hand up the rim of it to spread his spit and Freddie’s sweat, flicking with his thumb. He didn’t know what effect – if any – this would have on his fairy, but Ephram had always been a man who went by instinct in the bedroom.  
  
“All of you is mine now, baby,” Ephram growled against Freddie’s throat, nipping at his skin to leave a chip of purple-red there. “I can see it in your face, Jesus Lord I love this face–” Ephram paused to kiss Freddie again, their teeth clicking together from the increasing jerkiness of their motions. “Beautiful boy of mine, my Freddie, my sweet husband, God, you’re like sugar cream pie, like summer mornings and first kisses, that’s how goddamn sweet you are, honey, runnin’ from your lips and your fingertips and your cock, wanna drink at you for the rest of my fuckin’ life.”  
  
Blood was pounding in Ephram’s ears now, in his throat and chest as his muscles started to tighten in response to his orgasm building. He was hitting the right place inside of Freddie, he could tell from the sudden throatiness of his man’s voice, and Ephram diligently kept hammering away at Freddie’s prostate until he bowled his fairy over with a roar. Twisting on the bed, Ephram sprawled out on his back, hips thrusting his spunk as deep as he could get into Freddie’s body. His hands held onto Freddie’s hips like he’d never let go, riding Freddie onto his cock as the last battery of convulsions dragged the orgasm out of him.  
  
Spitting in his palm, Ephram grabbed hold of Freddie’s cock, twisting in swift, sure motions, throttling it under the swollen, sticky head. “Cum for me,” he demanded. “Cum all over me, Freddie…” Ephram bit his lip, head straining back against the pillow. It was time to re-establish what they were to each other, a gracenote to what they’d just done, an offering of similar vulnerability. “I belong to you too.”  
  
Everything that followed Ephram’s hot, slick caress of his wing - the touch grabbing Freddie low and sending a deep shuddering wave of sensation through him - seemed to move at a fantasy pace; simultaneously break-neck and drawn-out, his body feeling as though it belonged more to Ephram than himself. Reactive and responsive, desperate for more; desperate for climax and completion. To be made to come apart at the seams.  
  
And equally longing to be tenderly pieced back together again.  
  
In the moment - with Ephram’s hands on him, Ephram’s mouth pressed to his, fucking him with a single-minded intensity, pounding his prostate so that all Freddie could do was pant and take it - Freddie was able to believe, without question, every sweet word that tumbled out of Ephram’s mouth. To feel each one, and take them as gospel. That he was loved, and wanted. Unable to be cast aside.  
  
In the moment, it could all be unwavering truth again. No cracks, no fractures; nothing but security and comfort. The joy that only comes of having what you thought was impossible.  
  
Freddie was distantly aware when he began to work his cock, that Ephram was close. He could feel the way his witch’s muscles had tightened, hear the way his breathing was harsh and labored. He could see it in his face. But he was still unprepared when Ephram suddenly let out a deep cry, and rolled himself down onto his back on the bed so that Freddie was straddling him.  
  
Driving himself up, fucking into Freddie harder and deeper than ever, holding him tight by the hips and hauling the fairy down into each forceful thrust, Ephram emptied himself with an almost painful-looking convulsion, and Freddie rode him though it, his hands on Ephram’s chest. He was able to feel the heat of Ephram’s spunk when he let go; almost convinced it had distended his stomach, he’d been filled up so beautifully.  
  
And aching to do the same himself. So much so that he almost wanted to cry for it.  
  
So when Ephram took his cock in hand, Freddie’s grip on himself having been abandoned when they’d changed positions, commanding him to come - to come all over him, because Ephram belonged to him as much as he belonged to Ephram - he did.  
  
A raw, guttural sound was ripped straight from his solar plexus, and he came, gratefully; spattering Ephram’s chest and stomach with hot, thick splashes of semen, shaking like a leaf as his body hit it’s peak, his eyes shut tight and his mouth hanging open.  
  
Aftershocks rolling through him like waves.  
  
His chest heaving, once it was over, Freddie just sat there with Ephram’s cock softening inside him, feeling light-headed and weak. He leaned closer finally, kissing Ephram’s mouth, slow and careful, before folding his wings and climbing off him with a wince; collapsing down beside him on the bed, his husband’s spend already beginning to ooze out of his ravaged hole.  
  
“I love you,” he said softly, once his voice had returned to something approaching its normal timbre, turning onto his side and reaching out to lay his hand over Ephram’s heart.  
  
He was quiet for a moment, just letting his hand rest there, still except for the rise and fall of his breathing, and then moved closer, settling against Ephram’s side.  
  
They had never been meant for distance.


End file.
